“My advice to you is, get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Funny Marriage Advice Jokes — Special Advice for Women
The most obvious advice for women is, don’t expect your husband change (at least to the better) after you got married.
To the worse, a few examples are:
When you are dating: He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married: He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?”
When you are dating: He calls you by name.
When you are married: He calls you “Hey” and refers to you when speaking to others as “She”.
When you are dating: He holds your hand in public.
When you are married: He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating: He likes to “discuss” things.
When you are married: He develops a “blank” stare.
When you are dating: A Single bed for two isn’t THAT bad.
When you are married: A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating: He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married: He grabs your boob any chance he gets.
When you are dating: You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married: You tell him “If we have sex, will you leave me alone???”
When you are dating: You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married: You think to yourself, “Was he ALWAYS this hairy????”
Funny Marriage Advice Jokes — Special Advice for Men
The most obvious advice for men is, don’t expect your wife NOT to change after you got married.
Funny Marriage Advice Jokes
Here is how to understand your wife:
The wife says: You want.
The wife means: You want.
The wife says: We need.
The wife means: I want.
The wife says: I’ll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.
The wife says: All we’re going to buy is a soap dish.
The wife means: I’m coming back with enough to fill this place.
The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I’m going to ask for something expensive.
The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you’re not going to like.
The wife says: It’s your decision.
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious.
The wife says: We need to talk.
The wife means: I need to complain.
The wife says: Do what you want.
The wife means: You’ll pay for this later.
The wife says: I’m sorry.
The wife means: You’ll be sorry.
The wife says: I don’t want to talk about it.
The wife means: I’m still building up steam.
The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.
The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No
The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No
The wife says: No
The wife means: No
